There’s a time and place for doing things, and stretches spent wasting away in traffic are no exception. Did you know that some people in large cities can spend over 60 hours a year going nowhere? That’s prime time you could use to get things done. There’s limited potential here, but I’ve come up with a few things you can accomplish while wading in your vehicle- as well as some things not to do, for the safety of you and those around you. Take a look and then tell me you aren’t going to sweat excitedly for the next opportunity to try some of these out.
Things you SHOULD do in traffic
Think about how awesome it’ll be to get out of traffic
Practice your Eastwood squint
Helps if you’re head on in morning/evening glare and you forgot your sunglasses
Come up with your own (better) lyrics to songs on the radio
The more cursing the better.
Think about how bad your car is, watch the other cars near you, and decide which one you’re going to buy from CarWoo! when you get home.
Hit on attractive drivers next to you
Or attractive passengers with you; just remember though- the nicer your car is, the better things will go. For most of us, this will just turn into ‘Think about how awesome and smooth you’d be if you could face the attractive person in the car next to you.’
Think about everything you’ve done wrong in life…
…And the two things you did absolutely right.
Pretend you’re in a NASCAR race and we’re all just waiting for the pace car to pit
Exercise your mind, body, and spirit
What are those mini thigh master things called- the ones for your hands? Hand grips, yeah.
Wish you had a specialized sunglasses storage area
Hey, if you had the 2013 Hyundai Elantra, you wouldn’t have to wish- it’s a reality. Believe it.
Think about switching lanes
But don’t actually do it for fear of looking like an idiot when your previous lane starts moving faster.
Take the next exit
Could be a nice time to grab some food or get some gas- the line ain’t going anywhere.
Think about funnier blog posts
Really; it’ll be OK.
Things NOT to do in traffic
Yeah, I know it seems like the perfect thing to do when stress levels are high and you can’t leave the immediate area for fear of creating a safety issue. But I see two things wrong with smoking in your car. 1) It stinks up the joint, and you may be used to it, but think resale value, dawg. And 2) if I’ve learned anything from watching ‘80s road trip movies it’s that when you try to flick your butt out the window, it’ll hit the glass and fall back in, creating a fire or other swerve inducing nightmare.
Practice Personal Hygiene
It doesn’t matter if you’re late for a meeting, date, whatever. Don’t shave, brush your teeth, or try to fix your hair because it looks ridiculous and you’re guaranteed to miss a spot.
Take your pants off
Save it for mass gatherings on the subway. I think it may be illegal too, depending on how far you go.
Start a fight with passengers next to you
Get a ticket
You think that just because you’re not speeding you can’t get pulled over?
Think about how badly you have to pee
Do you really need to reuse that coffee cup?
Turn off your car and start an impromptu barbecue.
It won’t work. And why do you have a grill with you?
Show off your sweet sound system, bro
Remember, these are things not to do.
Grab a new ride today so you can experience that fresh car smell next time you get trapped on the road.