No more than two months after the zombie virus was killed off, we have a new threat. I can’t believe this. I’m afraid to go outside; the sky is a glowing shade of orange I’ve never seen. Wait, the TV’s back on…
(Through fuzzy static)….brzzzz…Citizens of Earth! We have spent millennia fighting amongst ourselves, now we must come together to defeat a threat not from this planet. As you read this, an alien force has descended into our atmosphere, poised to take our planet and our resources, both inanimate and human. We cannot let this happen, and we cannot do this individually. I say again- brrzzzz…
Great, all power’s out again. Time to act.
Here’s what I’m thinking: we won’t be able to out fight our cosmic neighbors, but maybe we can confuse them? What I mean is, if we are able to outsmart these greys somehow, maybe we can figure out a way to negotiate. It’s my best plan right now, and my city is full of gearheads, so we’ll fight aliens with autos.
These are the vehicles we’ll need-
#1 Alien Fighting Car: Ford F-Series
Here’s what we know: the Ford F-Series has been a bestseller pretty much since Henry himself was blueprinting the assembly line. What better vehicle to prove that we can unite and become one? E pluribus unum, anyone? Because if there’s one thing alien invading movies have taught us, it’s that human unison freaks out aliens more than crazy ex-jet fighter pilots…
#2 Alien Fighting Car: 2012 Audi A7
Fight the space threat with our most technologically advanced vehicles. CNET’s Tech Car of the Year is Audi’s A7, and with navigation infused with Google Earth, a Bang & Olufsen sound system (bonus: apparently aliens hate noise), and overall refinement, hopefully this masterpiece will make the invaders take a second opinion on destroying our wonderful advancements. Either that, or they’ll just steal everything and leave us with just our feet again. Talk about a bad ending…
#3 Alien Fighting Car: Nissan Pivo (1 through 3)
Here’s the reasoning behind this thing: If you’ve seen it, you’ll know that this is a weird looking vehicle, and if somebody from above sees a couple of these things, they may take on the mindset that we are actually so technologically advanced, that we’ve lost the need for any sense of style. Plus, it’s electric. Let’s just hope that Nissan has a road-ready version or two ready to dance.
One more thing: In the end, we’re probably going to have to find a way to connect all these cars into a transformers-like super machine, so don’t get too attached to these vehicles in their current form.
#4 Alien Fighting Car: Volkswagen Touareg
Huh? Well, here’s the thing: Touareg got a 2012 IIHS Top Safety Pick, and aliens tend to make drivers do irrational things. Plus, I’ve heard they’re comfortable as all get out. And VW has a TDI and Hybrid version in case we’ve got to travel.
Hey, wait, don’t give up yet- I’ve got one more idea…
#5 Alien Fighting Car: Lamborghini Aventador
If the aliens have been picking up signals, they may have caught a glimpse of the new Batman trailer, and really, who hasn’t seen it by now? Even in space, creatures know that this is Batman’s new ride, and if the Dark Knight drives one, how badass must we look in it? Will they be scared? Smart money (all Earth currency will soon to be useless) says no, but if we’re going out, we may as well go out in style, right? Right? OK, who has one?
In the end, our resources are all we have. Choose your vehicle wisely, and good luck in the effort to keep Earth safe from space invaders.